Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
