I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
