i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
