blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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