I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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