I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
