We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
