I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
