dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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