its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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