How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize