I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is classic penis vs brain.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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