I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
