sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
