Just cropdusted the office
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
