I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
