the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
