He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
