btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
