Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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