Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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