Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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