this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
