you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
