Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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