Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
