tell your sister to shave her snatch
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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