I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Boobs speak an international language.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
