I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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