That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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