my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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