i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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