Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
