Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
