He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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