I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
