I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
