There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
