I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
