its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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