So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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