Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
