And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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