So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
