Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
