He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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