nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
