What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
