Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need water and some morals
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
