Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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