Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize