I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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