so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it was like having sex with a tree stump
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
