lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
