im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
