He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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