News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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