Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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