sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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