last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
