I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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