I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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