I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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