She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize