Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
