i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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