I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
