I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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