The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
