The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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