so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize