if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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