She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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