Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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