Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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