she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude i'm inner monologue high
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
