Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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