I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
