your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
