Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
