I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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