if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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