btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
