i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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