I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
