I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize