I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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