I think I died a long time ago.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
