Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
