i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
