My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
