$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
