I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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