the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
