Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
