His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
