Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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