I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
