i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
