how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
