Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize