In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
