the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
